transparency time

Sometimes I wonder if I'm truly fit to be a mother. Joshua is driving me crazy and I just want to strip myself of all responsibility and be alone. Waking every three hours during the night is eating at me too. I wake-up and just totally dread doing everything. Ugh! Maybe I'm just being over emotional because I'm due for a visit by "the monthly visitor." I don't know. I'm just tired and frustrated. I love my kids, but I feel like such a bad mom. Lately, all I do is get onto Joshua. I use to enjoy reading books to him and now I'm lucky to crack one open once during the week. I guess I could be doing that now rather than ranting on my blog, but whatever. Just once, I would like to have a day to myself and not worry that Jenna might not be receiving proper care while I am gone. I hope I'm not scarring my kids for life. I want to be the cool, crafty mom that my SIL and many of my friends are. Instead, I'm just fat, depressed, and completely worn-out. I know it will be helpful to have a church to call home.