transparency time

I'm really having a weak moment, so I thought that praying and blogging would help. I'm trying to sincerely praise the Lord and not let my anxiety and stress take control of that much needed time with the Lord (this is where satan really tries to get ahold of me). I find myself saying...

"Lord, You are my Most Precious Gift......

What if Jenna's glucose plummets and she starts seizing?"

"Father, You are so Mighty and Awesome......

What if Jenna aspirates during surgery?"

"Jesus, Your Love is Amazing......

What if the unthinkable happens and I lose her?"

I hate that the enemy so easily slips into my thoughts. It's almost always during my conversations with the Lord, but sometimes in my dreams. Sometimes I find myself literally standing-up and stomping the ground. I learned a song when I was a little girl and I don't quite remember how it goes, but it talks about satan being under your feet and how you can stomp on him. I usually say (as I'm stomping), "I'm washed in the blood of the Lamb and you can't touch me!" Afterwords, I thank the Lord that I'm His and for His sacrifice. It works too :-)

What do you do when you feel the enemy creeping in to cause trouble in your life?

ummm...grammar?

I must apologize for my grammar in the last post. My mother would be abhorred! *haha* I was super tired and not paying attention.

Well, time to start the day and get things done. I have to get a bag packed for Jenna's hospital stay, sweep/mop the floors, yada-yada.

P.S. So I just did a spell check and of course "yada-yada" isn't in the word bank. However, one of the options was "Yoda." Haha! I just thought that was funny. Anyway...

fall festival

Our church had their annual fall festival this evening. It was my first time to help/participate. Unfortunately Nick had to stay home with the kids. It was an outdoor event and I was worried Joshua might get away from him while watching Jenna. I so wish I had taken pictures! I helped with the face painting and it was so much fun! There were so many cute kids there. I was certain we'd have some trouble-makers in the bunch, but they were all so grateful and polite!! Nothing made me smile more seeing the kids smile and laugh!

There were so many games and activities including...moon bounce, sack racing, face painting, bean bag toss, hula hoops, etc. There were also some awesome door prizes, which were donated by church members and others. What was really neat and unique was the live entertainment! Our church is really blessed with so much musical and artistic talent! Two people from church have formed their own bands and graciously entertained everyone :-) Thanks Kacey and Adam!!

I pray that those in attendance really experienced the love of the Lord through our church.

living well

I found these articles really helpful and eye-opening. If you're constantly struggling with weight (like me), or even if you're not, it's good information for anyone who's wanting to live a more healthy lifestyle.

wanting a 3-column blog?

Okay, so I said I wasn't going to be posting for a bit. Well, I've been dying to add columns to my blog and I'm not computer savvy, so I googled how to do it and found this. I'm so thankful for smart people like this person. She has a step-by-step guide for dorks like me! Now my blog feels less cluttered than before :-) Yay!

So, occasionally I might go back and forth between 3 columns and 2 columns depending on my background image ;-)

Jenna's surgery

Here's the plan. We will be checking Jenna into the hospital Tuesday morning so they have time to get a central-line surgically inserted if they fail to get a normal IV started. Jenna has a history of blowing-out veins and previously had a central-line. We spent two hours at the lab yesterday trying to get enough blood to run tests needed prior to surgery. It was horrible! Imagine holding your baby down on a table while doctors and nurses attempted to stick her all over like a human pin cushion! I couldn't help but bawl my brains out :-( The central-line will be much easier when needing to administer fluids; not only that, it will be much easier on Jenna.

Wednesday morning will be her surgery. They will close her lip and place stints in her nose. The stints will remain in her nose until her follow-up visit with the surgeon (Nov. 9th). The purpose of the stints is to re-shape the cartilage in Jenna's nose.

More than likely, Jenna will remain in the hospital until Friday, merely for observation of her sugar and due to her past history of seizures and previous hospital experience.

It will most likely be a while before I can post again. I will do my best to find a key individual to contact to check on Jenna. Unfortunately, it would be difficult for me or Nick to call/text individuals considering we have to watch the nurses and doctors like hawks!!

My Husband Rocks

My Husband Rocks!

Wanna know why?

Nick has been helping more around the house lately because we're preparing for Jenna's surgery next week. I really appreciate that he's been voluntarily doing things knowing they're on my mind to be done. Thanks honey! You're a rockin' husband and great dad :-)

Jenna's pre-op

Yesterday, Jenna had her pre-op appointment. They (residents and attending) briefly explained the procedure, asked me questions, and answered all of mine. I'm really quite impressed with Jenna's surgeon, Dr. Smith (click on his name to learn more). I was also really impressed with his 3rd year resident, Dr. Christanson (I think). They explained there's a chance they will have to do Jenna's surgery in two parts depending on the elasticity of her skin, muscles, and tissue. They don't want to risk her lip re-opening if there's too much pull on the incision. So, if it has to be done in two parts, they will schedule another operation 6 weeks from her first (next Wednesday). I explained my concerns about anesthesia and recovery. Dr. Smith assured me that he is corresponding with her Endocrine doctor, Dr. Copeland, to be assured all will go smoothly. I would go into detail about the surgery, but it makes me feel weak everytime I think about it. If you really want to know more, you can give me a call and we'll talk about it.

Jenna's Sooner Start nurse, Sandy, joined us for the appointment and asked some questions in order to help her assist Jenna's recovery and progress. Talk about cool ;-) I learned something about Sandy...she has an 8-year-old son who at one time had a serious brain tumor. He's still not in the clear, but it much improved. The local PBS station will be doing a documentary on him in January.

I left the appointment with a little disappointment in knowing that Jenna will most likely be on her feeding tube until she's 3 :-( Poor baby! It will be a bummer to not have a messy, cake face from her 1st birthday, but it's truly a small price to pay when it's so crucial for her health.

My parents are coming in from Colorado on Tuesday and will be staying with us for a week. It will be nice to have help with Joshua. Mom also said she'll be doing the cooking and cleaning so that Nick and I can be up at the hospital with Jenna daily. I've really missed not having my parents nearby. I use to just show-up and hang-out with them whenever I was on their side of town; now there's 12 hours away :-(

Gotta end on a positive note...

I always go absolutely cleaning crazy when I know we will be having company. We haven't had anyone but Nick's parents stay at our house for a few days, so having my parents for a week will really motivate me to get things done and in order. I can hardly wait to re-organize cabinets, do all the laundry, and move things around. Isn't that weird? Let me know if you'd ever like some help getting rid of stuff! Oh, my SIL is good at that too, but she's busy incubating ;-)

a special thank you

I'm just so blessed. I have a special friend who continues to bless me over and over again. Yesterday she and her husband gave me and Nick money to go see "Fireproof" (it was a much needed date and blessing)! Today, I called her and interrupted her home schooling for half an hour and she let me share my heart and she shared hers in return. Thank you so much, dear friend, for allowing the Lord to use you a mighty way in my life. I'm certain I would go nuts without your encouragement and listening ear!! There are no other friends in my life who can possibly understand what we're going through. Thank you for your endless wealth of information, guidance, and prayer. I'll never, ever be able to re-pay or thank you enough. I love you!!

My Husband Rocks (belated...again)

My Husband Rocks because he's not afraid to shed a tear in a touching movie. We both held back the major "boo-hoos" in the movie "Fireproof" yesterday. Don't you dare tell him I posted this *haha*

miscellaneous and so forth

Well, the garage sale was a flop, but at least I got rid of some things. I managed to rake in a whopping $26!! Woo!! It was just the right amount to buy a nice new shower curtain, liner, and hooks :-)

Saturday was a great day! Saturday morning, two dear friends from church (Stef and Nahum) came to do some more painting on the house. The west side of the house is the only un-finished area (minus some touch-up work here and there). It's such a huge improvement and everyone's been so generous of there time :-)

Saturday afternoon, Jenna and I headed to a dear friend's birthday party. What fun it was to see dear, sweet friends from long ago!! We saw the Hill's and Mrs. Troop's family. It was so great...and to think I thought about staying home!

Saturday evening, a family that has done so, so much for our family came over. My brother and SIL who have also done tons for us also joined us. Nick made a fabulous BBQ buffet of smoke brisket, spare ribs, and beef short ribs. Thanks honey...it was great!!

This morning, we decided it would be okay to bring Jenna to church. It was so nice to be at church as a family again. There was a very sweet time of prayer and many friends came and prayed with us. What a blessing! I couldn't possibly ask the Lord for a sweeter church family.

This afternoon, some friends came over to watch Joshua and Jenna while Nick and I went to see "Fireproof." It was an incredible movie and you need to see it if you haven't already. What a powerful message and wonderful testament of God!

today...another day the devil tried to win, but didn't *smirk*

Today was a busy day. I really thought I was going to throw in the towel at a couple of points, but that would be letting the enemy win, so I pressed-on ;-)

We left the house at about 10:30 this morning to make our first stop...Target! Yes, I'm a Target junkie and admit it gladly ;-) Even if I'm only browsing with no intention to buy, I could spend hours in that place (and have). I needed to buy some stickers for garage sale pricing (big sale this weekend) and some socks for Jenna. Well, I got the stickers, got the socks, and managed to snatch-up an adorable pair of shoes for Jenna as well. So, I went to check-out...the total was around $20 and the registered flashed the dreaded "DECLINED" across the screen. So, I called the bank to find-out just what the deal was. Apparently, one of the pharmaceutical companies we deal with regarding Jenna's meds decided to charge a co-pay to our card this morning WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION!! How embarrassing!!

Leaving the store rather pink in the face, I made my way to Wal-Mart (where we have a store credit card which is suppose to only be for groceries and gas). On my way to Wal-Mart, I got a call from Jenna's Geneticist's office saying our appointment had been cancelled. WHAT?!? *grumbling* They said to go ahead an come in for labs, but we wouldn't be seeing the doctor. I asked about previous lab results and they said they were "interesting." How's that for vague?!?

Anyway, I got the stickers, the socks, a pair of shoes, and lunch and headed to my best friend's house (we're doing the garage sale together). Layla graciously offered to watch Joshua while I took Jenna to get her labs drawn.

So, we get to the hospital, get parked, and make our way through the hospital. I decided to park in the parking garage, which is a significant distance from the appointment, because I need the exercise!! I get to the office and somewhere along the way, Jenna lost her shoe (the new pair I just purchased). Well, there wasn't a nurse that felt capable to draw labs from Jenna since they have to draw it from her scalp, so they said it was going to be a while. I was glad to be able to go and hunt down Jenna's shoe. Thankfully, a lady told me she saw it and it wasn't far from the office. After getting back to the waiting area, they still weren't ready for us, so Jenna and I sat and enjoyed chatting with a family sitting in the same area. It was a young mom with her parents. She had 5 boys! I told her she'd be well taken care of when she's old and gray and she agreed. She and her husband had tried and tried for a girl; after losing a little boy in the NICU, they decided they were done and were going to focus their time on their boys.

Finally, I managed to see one of Jenna's nurses for another doctor whom has drawn labs from her scalp before and she was happy to help. So, we get back there and Jenna's so strong that two people have to hold her down while the nurse draws the labs. It was HORRIBLE!! Jenna was screaming, I was crying, and the nurse pulled-back too far on the syringe and lost all of the blood she drew. Blood was everywhere, but by the grace of God, I was able to hold everything together. A second syringe of blood was collected and I was finally able to pick-up Jenna and comfort her. Poor baby :-( I hate that she had to go through that.

I finally got the chance to talk to one of the genetics counselors and she said that 2 of the 5 labs they drew on our last visit showed some changes in the DNA. They won't have anything solid to diagnose until after these labs return, so please be praying!! She didn't have anymore information to share and that frustrates me, but I'm going to try my best to trust the Lord in this.

On the way to pick-up Joshua, I managed to scrounge-up enough fundage to indulge in a chocolate soda from Braum's. I justified having it by the way my day had been going *haha* Joshua inherited a basketball potty seat from Layla's youngest and thought it was a hat. He kept on putting it on his head! Thankfully, Layla's a very clean person and made sure it was sparkling before handing-it-over :-)

I left Layla's and headed home. On the way home, I got a speeding ticket. JUST KIDDING!! The cruddy day stuff ends here *hehe* When we finally made it in the door and the kids were settled, I plopped on the couch and answered a call from my very dear friend from church. She's the one I've mentioned many times before who has the sick 8-year-old son. He's having to go on another round of antibiotics, so please be praying for him as well. They were over her visiting on Monday and had to leave sooner than expected because little buddy started feeling badly. Here's a link to her blog if you'd like to check it out...click here.

Well, here it is past 9 o'clock and I've yet to price my items for the garage sale and get them loaded in the van. Ha! I'm wondering if I should call it quits on this garage sale idea *sigh* So much to do still and trying to figure-out how I can get it all over there in the early morning hours with the two munchkins in tow. I guess I could stop rambling on here and come up with a plan. What a concept!

G'night :-)

garbage in...garbage out!

Last night, I spent some time with my best friend. We got on the topic of movies and music and how much things have changed just in our lifetime. Now that we both have children, we have become much more aware of just what types of things are on the television and radio. Setting a godly example to our children is on the forefront of our minds and hearts. I have really cleaned-up my choice of programming. Confession time! I use to be addicted to watching "Heroes." There's something about the good guy/bad guy story-line that hooks me! Well, even in the midst of a good story, there's junk...violence, language, adult content, etc. So, even though I highly anticipated this season's new series, I found myself not even wanting to finish the first episode. Another confession! I've been hooked on "America's Next Top Model." I love Tyra Banks! She's a normal sized girl who's making a living and name for herself. Well, reality shows are full of junk and who cares about modeling anyway? It sends such a horrible example of self-image to girls and women. Beauty is a state of heart and mind!!

Okay, I'm done standing on my soap box for now :-) Just a few thoughts that were bouncing around in my brain!

we're back in business!

Our computer has been on the fritz this past week. Nick was able to get it up and running again yesterday. What a guy!

Nothing new to report regarding Jenna's health. We have a genetics appointment this coming Wednesday, so I'll have something new to share soon. Jenna has been grabbing at her toys more consistently and has started to hit some milestones which are important in development, so that's definitely been a huge highlight this week for us as a family :-) I'm pretty sure she's teething because whatever she can get to her mouth, she chews and sucks on. Thanks to her cleft, she can fit just about anything inside her mouth ;-)

Joshua knows most of the alphabet! I'm not talking about singing it either. He can actually point to letters and says their name. Yeah...he's a smarty :-) He has a hard time saying "x" and "j" sometimes and mixes "m" and "w" for obvious reasons, but other than that, he's quite impressive! We went grocery shopping today and he had a blast pointing to all of the letters he could see and said their names loud and proud! An older, asian gentleman found him particularly amazing. He came up to Joshua and praised him continuously while Joshua just beamed with self satisfaction. After his kind words, the gentleman kissed Joshua on the head and went on his way. I thought that was so sweet. I wouldn't normally appreciate a stranger coming in contact with my child without my permission, but he was precious and had only the best intentions.

Nick and I took our first whack at going through our garage/utility/storage area. I'm participating in a garage sale with two other friends next weekend, so we're trying to get some things together. We have so much junk! In this case, "we" refers to mostly Nick ;-) I like to chunk or donate things after a while. Pretty much all I have stored now is wedding momentos, Christmas decorations, books, and a couple of paintings. Nick's going to work on getting his shed in place tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be able to move most of his stuff (tools and such) out there and start making attempts at turning the wasted space into our family room. It's going to take a lot of work, but we're headed in the right direction at least!

My Husband Rocks (belated)

We haven't had a working computer for the past week, so I'm late in posting about my rockin' husband!

My Husband Rocks because he puts up with me. I can be quite moody (imagine that), but Nick knows how to cool my hot headedness with his soft voice :-) I love you honey! Thanks for putting-up with me and loving me when I'm cranky!

Jenna's Genetics Appointment

Thursday, Jenna had a 3-hour genetics appointment with Dr. Palmer. About an hour or so was spent doing vitals and a family, medical tree. Had I known they would need so much medical information, I would've contacted many of you to get more information! They said what I knew was adequate. You're probably wondering why Jenna had to see a Geneticist in the first place. Well, her Endocrine doctor, Dr. Copeland, felt it was a good idea due to her multiple problems just so they can rule-out different types of syndromes. Dr. Palmer has been studying Jenna's medical file since she was in the NICU. Talk about thorough!

Dr. Palmer voiced her concerns about the scar tissue from a blood clot found in her liver back when she was in the NICU. The neonatologists said it was most likely due to a UVC (central-line) in her belly button which she had when she was at the other hospital. They left it at that and do no further investigating. Well, Dr. Palmer was pretty furious about this. She wanted to send us to a Hematologist, but she was worried they wouldn't get us in quickly enough to do blood work and testing before her surgery. So, they took 3mls from Jenna to be tested STAT. We have another appointment with Dr. Palmer on the 15th to discuss the results and the possibility of Jenna not being ready for surgery (due to a possible clotting disorder and her hypoglycemia).

Dr. Palmer's other concerns about Jenna...not being able to hold her head-up when lifted by her hands from a horizontal position. She said her muscle tone isn't quite where it needs to be. Also, the fact that Jenna has a tendency to favor her right side when being held in a seated position. There are numerous possibilities as to the reasons for these things. It could just be do to the fact that she was in the NICU for such a long period of time and just needs more time to catch-up to where a normal baby would be. Thankfully, we have Sooner Start working with us :-)

Side note about her cleft...

I asked her if gaps in the two front teeth can be a sign of cleft. Dr. Palmer said, "yes." I actually use to have a large gap between my two front teeth until my parents graciously conceded to fixing it for me :-) My dad has one and my sister use to have one until she fixed hers as well. Interesting thought.

Another note...

If Nick and I were to have another baby, there would be at least a 25% chance of having another child with clefting. Wow! Totally an eye-opener considering Jenna's cleft surgeon said there would be a 11-14% chance. God totally led us to Dr. Palmer. I'm so grateful! She's also the doctor to my friend's sick little boy and was the doctor for one of friends whose son lost his life early this year at the age of one due to problems with his DNA and metabolise.

Well, I'm sure I'll probably think of something I forgot to mention and post it later. Nick's barkin' at me to get my butt in bed, so I better concede. We're taking Joshua to see Thomas the Train in the morning, so be looking forward to some super cute pictures!!!

My Husband Rocks

MY HUSBAND ROCKS!!!

Nick has been picking-up over-time at work, daily, to help accomodate our bills. He has to get up at 5am everymorning in order to be to work by 6am. When he's done turning wrenches underneath or inside a school bus, he picks-up a driving route and works until about 4:30pm. That makes for a very long day!! My husband loves us so much :-) Thank you honey for being willing to go the extra-mile in order to see that we have food in our tummies, a roof over our heads, and awesome doctors for Jenna!!

i did what i said i wouldn't do

Well, last night, after I finished-up cleaning and so-forth, I opened a credit card. Ugh! I can't tell you how much that pains me, but this month has literally just begun and all of our money has been spoken for. How crazy! The credit card is with Wal-Mart, so it will just be used for groceries and gas. It will be tempting to buy the drapes I've been eyeing, but alas, I will refrain!! Thankfully, I was able to chose a small limit ($400) to keep us from going overboard. This month wouldn't have been as tough if we hadn't had to replace two tires on the Jeep. The tires should've been replaced months ago, so you can only imagine how bad they are now!! I will be able to rest easy knowing Nick is safer on the road :-)

neighborhood shooting

Okay, so I don't want to clean right now and I'm not going to!

Last week, we had a shooting in our neighborhood. Yes, I can officially say we live in the ghetto! The shooting was about half a block away. Thankfully we weren't home because there were bullets flying down towards our house!! Apparently ten shots went off. One of our poor neighbors has a Jeep Wrangler with a soft top with some unwanted holes :-( Nobody got hurt, but I'm so ready to not be living in a scary neighborhood! I really wish the city would do something about the Section 8 houses in our area. There have been constant patrolling by the police at least. I see a handfull every hour driving up and down the streets (mostly ours).

Anyway, someday we'll have a house on 5 to 10 acres and will be far from the street and won't be able to see into our neighbor's house. That's our dream :-)

late night coffee junkie

Well, I went grocery shopping last night. Pretty much the only time I can go is after everyone is in bed, so at 8:30pm, I printed-off the grocery list and headed-out the door. My first stop was to Target. My dear friends are adopting two little boys from Liberia and we're (our church) going to have a shower for them :-) I bought them a crock-pot (which was on sale and the cost is being shared with a friend) and kitchen towels. I hope they're not reading this *haha* Oops! Oh well ;-)

After Target (9:45pm), I drug myself to Wal-Mart. Late at night is really the best time to go! There aren't too many others shopping, so you don't have to worry about the crowded aisles (my pet peeve), or the cramped parking lot and crazy drivers (another pet peeve). I found a new foundation that I think I'm going to like :-) It's by Rimmel London and is really reasonable in price! I've been using their eye-brown pencil for a long time and love it! Oh, I also bought hair dye...time to be dark for the fall and winter! My prized purchase, however, was coffee!! I bought some Folgers Gourmet Creme Brulee coffee! When I made it home (11:3o), I immediately started a pot and started cleaning the house. I feel so guilty not spending time with the kids during the day because I'm cleaning. I feel like I'm depriving them of the attention they deserve. I did become a stay-at-home-mom to be a mom and not a maid! Well, the house was (and still is) a wreck, so I didn't go to bed until 3am. I was really surprised by how awake the coffee kept me! It has been so long since I've had an entire pot ;-)

Okay, enough of that. Back to cleaning while the kids are sleeping!!