Week 4, Day 26

I think I'm ready to bump up my yardage. I went ahead and waited this morning because I have Body Pump tomorrow morning and I want to be sure I can handle it. So, if all goes well, I will slowly bump up my yardage. Currently, I am doing 1,000 yards. I will increase my yardage by 250 and see how that goes. I would like to be up to 2,000 yards in a couple of months and it would be awesome to double that by July. I might be dreaming. We'll see. I use to swim at least 4,000 yards each practice (sometimes twice a day).

There was is a lot of snow on the ground. The plows are doing the best they can, but under the snow is a generous layer of ice. On my way to the Rec Center, a poor girl had done a 180 and was blocking two lanes. I stopped to check on her; she was sobbing in fear. I offered to help, but her husband was already on his way and was just around the corner. Vehicles without 4-wheel drive have no chance in this weather.

On with the day. Our plans for this afternoon/evening were canceled due to weather, so that means we can get a good day of school in. I really need to add Saturdays for school to the mix so we can try and get caught-up somewhat. I don't want to be doing school all summer long!

TGIF!!

Week 4, Day 25

Swimming this morning went well. I woke up with a bad headache, so I almost didn't go. Taking pills on an empty stomach does not bode well for me, so I took some when I came home. The water was refreshing and took the edge off enough that I could get a decent work-out in. Thankful.

We're getting more snow tonight! Be ready, snow plows. I need to get in a good work-out tomorrow!

Week 4, Day 24

So, today is my Body Pump. I got to sleep in, which was really nice. Body Pump isn't until this evening, but if tonight's anything like last week, I won't have the energy to lift a finger after work-out. So, I am blogging now.

I have to vent. Why do men drop weight so much more easily that women? Seriously! Nick has lost the same amount of weight I have and he doesn't even work-out! Additionally, he eats out for lunch once a week with the guys work and eats junk! NOT FAIR!!! If I weren't working-out, he would have lost more than me. I'm happy for him though. He needs to lose weight as well. But, geez!!

I'm a little disappointed that I will have to miss Body Pump on Saturday. We are going to Evergreen on Friday to meet with out of state family, so we will be staying the night with my parents because the snow is actually starting tonight and is not suppose to end until Friday evening. It will be too dangerous to drive home in the dark. They literally live in the mountains. Think drop offs and reckless drivers in the dark and snow. No thank you. Staying the night may lead into an all weekend event as we are planning to watch the Super Bowl with them as well. Might as well stay another night, right? So what am I going to do on Saturday? I have to come up with something. Maybe I can go up and down my parents stairs multiple times, crunches and squats. It won't be the same, but at least it will be something.

It's hump day! Enjoy your day everyone :)

Week 4, Day 23

Prying my eyes open at 4:00am was difficult after Jocelyn woke at 2:50am. Nick found her sitting up in bed seemingly awake and fussing, but I am pretty certain she was still asleep (poor baby has night terrors).

It snowed quite a bit yesterday evening and into the night. Again, the plows and sand trucks did a great job, so how could I make an excuse to not go to the gym? Another 1,000 yards down. I am so anxious to get to bed tonight and be able to sleep in! Tomorrow evening is Body Pump. My leg muscles are screaming at me. Apparently I pushed myself more than I realized yesterday, but I kept the momentum going today. Another great day of pushing myself. Not on distance, but on speed and control.

Jocelyn's taking a nap, Joshua's at co-op and Jenna is quietly playing. Time to take advantage and get some things done! Happy Tuesday!

Week 4, Day 22

Well, not much snow on the ground! Thankful for an easy commute to the rec center. Another 1,000 yards pounded out and only felt a little burn in the muscles, which means I didn't push myself as hard as I should have. Tomorrow's another day though!

Nothing else really to post. Happy Monday!

Week 3, Day 21

I apologize in advance. This is another post from my phone. 

Today was my day off, but much was accomplished. Today was weigh-in day (I'll share my weight loss below) and accountability day. My sister and I have decided to FaceTime each Sunday to discuss how we have been doing with exercise, diet and weight loss. Today was our first day and it was a lot of fun. My sister's fiancé left for another tour on Tuesday. She hopes he will be back by Christmas. In the meantime, she has a wedding to plan, so our weekly chats will be to discuss wedding plans as well.

Okay, onto my weight loss... Weight loss since Christmas... 28 pounds!!! I'm pretty ecstatic! Tomorrow, it's back to the pool. It's snowing pretty hard right now, so hopefully the plows and sand trucks are up and running before I am. 

Sweet dreams. 4am comes early.

Week 3, Day 20

It's hard to believe that I have been at this for 3 weeks. Truly, it feels like I just started. I guess that is good. I want it to feel fresh and new for as long as possible.

Today, I swam. The plan was to go to Body Pump, but my neck is hurting and I decided having weight up against my neck for squats probably wasn't the best idea. I consulted with my friend who is breaking into the body building industry for advice and she advised to do something lighter, so swimming it was. Another 1,000 yards, but faster this time. My stroke is getting more and more smooth, flip turns are flipping faster and my overall feel is great.

Next week, my goal for work-out days is as follows:

Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri - Swimming
Wed and Sat - Body Pump

I'd like to keep this schedule and gradually up my yardage. I definitely feel like I could be swimming more at this point, but until I've added twice a week Body Pump, I don't want to make my body too angry.

Time for tea and cards; then it's off to work on Jenna's room some more. We're moving the girls in together this weekend. Wish us luck!

Week 3, Day 19

Another work-out day is done. I'm still only doing 1,000 yards. I was going to up my yardage this week, but since I am adding Body Pump to the mix, I was worried more yardage would be too much on me. Today felt pretty good. I could still feel my muscles burning, so I must be doing something right. My only complaint is my neck. I thought I slept on it wrong Wednesday night, but it is still bothering me. I'm tapping into my local friends to find a good chiropractor. It has been YEARS since I was adjusted and I'm thinking my new, very active lifestyle is throwing my body for a loop.

Tomorrow, it's back to hell (aka Body Pump). We have a love/hate relationship. Looking forward to it/dreading it. Thank goodness Sunday is my day off. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

Week 3, Day 18

Oh. My. Gosh. My legs. They hurt so good, but it was pretty embarrassing that I couldn't even hold a pull buoy between my legs to do just my arms. So, I just left it behind and let my poor legs drag behind. It was a good swim and I'm glad I went. Definitely therapeutic to my aching muscles from Body Pump yesterday. I'm going to attempt Body Pump again on Saturday, though I'm more worried about not making it thru that class than I was yesterday's. I think I will go lighter on the weights.

I'm getting eager for my weekly weigh-in after how hard I have worked this week. I think I will make Sundays my weigh-in day since it is my designated day off.

Lots of snow in the forecast for next week. There was snow last night and this morning as well. Thankfully, the plows and sand trucks do a great job here, so I was able to make it to the rec center with no problems whatsoever.

Oh, funny story... My legs are so numb and sore that I had to use the ladder to get out of the pool, whereas I normally just push myself up out of the water onto the side of the pool. I was too worried I wouldn't be able to support my own weight, so I opted for the ladder. It was quite nice using a ladder! Saves my poor shins from bruising.

More swimming tomorrow. Hopefully I can feel my legs by then!

Week 3, Day 17

This post is delayed because I pushed myself so hard yesterday. I slept in (which was glorious) and then went to Body Pump in the evening. Holy cow. I'm still trying to recover and will probably be even more sore tomorrow as I am about to head out the door to swim this morning. Am I crazy? Maybe. Do I care? No. Will I continue this madness? Yes!

Body Pump is a one hour class with weights. I could feel every inch of my muscles screaming at me during the whole class. I'm super impressed I made it thru the whole class considering I haven't taken the class in close to 10 years. We were only thru one set of the work-out and I could barely walk! Squats are such a killer. I'm mostly upper body strength, so anything legs is pretty much guaranteed to do a number on me.

I almost collapsed in the parking lot. Sheer muscle fatigue. Let's not even mention the stairs I had to go up in order to leave the rec center (too vain to take the elevator). Then, of course, there were the stairs to get up to our bedroom. Oh boy... I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to crawl. Yep. I did.

So, now to head out the door to swim. This should be interesting as I still can barely feel my legs. My arms aren't thrilled either. Gonna do it anyway. Happy Thursday!

Week 3, Day 16

I tried out my land legs today. One hour on the treadmill! My heart rate didn't get above 130, but I'm pretty sure I floated out the building to my car. I had to sit for a moment while my muscles loosened and returned some feeling, otherwise I might have had a wreck! I burned over 400 calories.
Not sure what I should be burning, but I am going to do some researching today on caloric intake and output. And hello, blisters! I need to figure out what kind of socks I should be wearing. Blisters are forming on the balls of my feet. No pleasant, but evidence of a job well done.

Looking forward to a beautiful day outside today, so I'm planning on taking the girls to the park while Joshua is at co-op. Happy Tuesday everyone :)

Week 3, Day 15

I didn't make it to the gym today. Three days off in a row and I'm feeling it. I'm going tomorrow even if it just means walking on the treadmill or using the elliptical. Despite not getting to go to the gym today, I did make wise food choices (minus the bite of mashed potatoes I snuck). I'm pretty proud of myself.

Since I am going to the gym tomorrow, I better load some tunes onto my phone or be prepared to crank-up the '80s Cardio station on Pandora. They play no music whatsoever at our gym (minus fitness classes), which I find to be very odd. 

My clothes are all laid out for in the morning. Almost forgot to pack a towel to wipe away the bucket loads of sweat I will be producing. No mercy.

Week 2, Day 13 & 14

I've taken the past two days off from working-out. It has been driving me crazy to not go to the gym, but it can't be helped. I am hoping to get to go tomorrow, as I have more drive than ever to change my body.

I said I wasn't going to buy a scale, but I did. I have a love/hate relationship with scales because they can be so deceiving! Well, today, I weighed-in at 13lbs less than the last time I weighed, which was over Christmas. I am pretty stoked about it. I knew my clothes were fitting a bit differently. Go me!! Gotta keep the drive going. I can hardly wait until my body allows me to hit the gym this week. I will definitely be trying Body Pump at some point in the next week. I can hardly wait to get my butt kicked!

So, now that I have a scale, how often do I weigh? I plan on weighing once a week. It will be tempting to weigh more often, but in order to stay encouraged and motivated, once a week is the best idea. I may have to have Nick hide the scale from me during the week so I'm not tempted.

Week 2, Day 12

Today, I really had to push it in the pool; no time for laziness. Nick just walked out the door to work the early shift at work since school is out today. I pushed myself the hardest I have since starting this weight loss journey nearly 2 weeks ago. It felt good, and I am hurting, but I'm glad I did it. I decided to 'time' myself this morning. I'm so slow. That's okay though. It's to be expected right now. It takes me a solid minute to do a lap. *whine* I remember when I use to do a lap in under 30-40 seconds. Well, I wasn't exactly racing this morning; just setting myself up for a good pace. So, I'll take it.

Tomorrow, I am switching things up a bit. Instead of swimming, I am going to take a fitness class called, Body Pump. I have taken it before in the past and LOVED it, but I was more fit then. We'll see what happens. I'll probably be so sore on Sunday morning that Nick will have to help me out of bed. I wonder if I'll even make it thru an entire class! Body Pump is an hour long class with a bar bell and free weights. I'm. Going. To. Die. It's such a fun class though that you kinda forget how hard you're working. Plus, you have the motivation of an entire class doing it with you.

Time to down some protein. My muscles are screaming at me. Happy Friday :)

Week 2, Day 11

Who was I kidding?!? Obviously, myself. The zoomers kicked my butt and offered hardly any extra momentum. I guess that's a good thing, right? Sure, they helped a little, but not as much as I had remembered. Then again, I am 150 pounds heavier than I was when I used them before. That could have something to do with it! Oy! I'm so tired. It felt good though...It really did.

I'm dreading next week. I didn't think ahead of time how I was going to tip toe around this issue with my blog and work-out accountability, but there's something to be said about honesty. Next week, my monthly visitor is due. For some, this is no big deal, but I am dealing with some major difficulties in that area. I have been avoiding calling the doctor because I feel like Kaiser doctors are full of hot air and don't really give me the time of day (minus my PCP...she's great). So, here it is...almost that time again and yet again I am going to suffer. Seriously, it is affecting my quality of life and it will keep me from leaving the house for three days. I have a family history of problems in this area and it usually involves surgery to make it better. I'd really like to be in better physical shape before facing another surgery. More about that later, but hopefully this is resolved soon.

Poor Nick is usually awake by now and joining me downstairs. He's either coming down with something or something's not agreeing with his stomach. He tossed and turned all night long. Praying for a good day all around!

Week 2, Day 10

I am attempting to blog from my phone. I apologize for the typos in advance as I tend to not bother with edits. Our internet provider is being switched, so we are without service for today.

Today felt good. I had some indirect pressure in the water today. 5 of the lanes in the pool were full of swim team. I knew I couldn't outswim them, but I could look just as good as them with proper technique. It's amazing how much better one can swim with better technique. Imagine that! I pushed myself a little harder as well. The burn is definitely more prominent than yesterday. Also, the shower water turned hot instantly today! Woohoo! It was the little boost I needed for being so tired. 

Funny story... On the way to the gym this morning, I sat at a flashing red light waiting for it to turn green. Flashing, red light. Flashing. As in go after you stop and look, flashing. Yes, that's how tired I was. But I'm awake how and feel pretty great after my swim. My zoomers are due to arrive today! Stoked. 

You're worth saving!

Do you know? Do you know that you're worth saving? I'm not just talking about being saved by grace and our Heavenly Father, but His grace is the ultimate saving. I'm talking about your time for your well-being, your family's well-being, and the legacy your family will be known for. Will you be known as the family who does everything for others (not necessarily a bad thing, but read on) and no time for their own family? Or will you be known as the family who stuck together, spent time together and loved each other well? I'm not saying you can't commit adequate time to your family while serving others, but I know it's possible. I know people who do this very, very well because God has gifted them in abundance to do both well. We are not one of those families. Darn it if I haven't tried. I have. I really, really have. I've prayed and asked the Lord to give me the ability to do both well, but time and time again, that door has been closed. Maybe that door will open one day, but right now, we are working on our family's very survival. I know the Lord will lead us to serve here and there on short-term situations because we are all called to serve on some level. Serving looks very different in the lives of each person/family. We're not all called to say "yes" to every single thing put in our laps.

I hope that all makes sense.

I am very 'type a', so this is a daily battle for me, but I have learned to say, "No, I'm sorry I can't do that," instead of "Sure! No problem!" I have learned that my lack of sanity turns into outburst and stress that trickle down into the lives of my sweet husband and dear children. Is it worth it? Is it worth putting too much on your own plate and damaging the lives dearest to you because you just can't keep your cool any longer? The world isn't going to fall apart if you say "no" to a task or responsibility, but your child's world may very well fall apart if you tell them you're too tired one more time.

Some questions I ask myself before committing to anything: "Will my family suffer as a result of this commitment?" "When was the last time I had a me moment?" There are so many other questions to ask, but I will not go into them now. You know which questions apply to you and your family. What are your questions? I encourage you to write them down. There's something to be said about getting things out on paper or on the computer screen. It's one of the reasons I started blogging again.

So, I urge you...for the sake of your sanity and the love of your family...learn to say it. In fact, maybe you should go stand in front of a mirror and practice saying it. You can still say "no" with a smile on your face. Just because you say it, doesn't make you a bad person! If the person asking, prompting, suggesting a "yes" response from you doesn't understand or respect your time or decision, perhaps you need to direct your energy elsewhere all together. Pray for them, but step away. It can be done!

Hello, my name is Hilary and I'm 'type a'; I'm still learning to say, "no".

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This blog entry is dedicated to my first friend who has helped me see the light and the importance of saving myself. Thank you for still being my friend after all these years and for continually speaking truth into my heart and soul despite my lack of effort to change.

Grocery shopping raises my blood pressure!

Does it do the same to you? Well, I decided that shopping at a certain place that claims to have the lowest prices is no longer for me. So what did I do? I started doing my shopping at Sprouts and Target. Some say Sprouts is too expensive (and I agree to an extent), but they have great sales and their produce is the least expensive I can find anywhere. I'm sitting here looking at a sale ad at this very moment planning my shopping trip this weekend. Sale ads are where it's at. I now plan my meals around them and buy up the meat when they have a sale and toss it in the deep freezer. My life is forever changed! Seriously... This week, the boneless, skinless chicken breast is $1.69/lb and it's all natural! And like I said, the produce is unbeatable in price and quality. Granted, the selection is not huge and you have to be patient because sometimes they're out of goat milk (because they're having an awesome sale until the end of the month). I shop at Target for our toiletries and anything else I can't get or is too expensive at Sprouts. The first week I shopped there (just started a couple of weeks ago), I spent LESS than I would at the place where I use to shop. LESS! Also, it's not nearly as packed and the employees are all really kind and seem to be happy to work there. That goes a long way with me. Oh! Last week, I got a three pound chuck roast for $9! That's unheard of! Pretty sure I am a happier person for changing our families diets and my shopping experience. Sprouts... I'm a HUGE fan :)

Week 2, Day 9

Despite going to bed at a decent hour, I could barely pry my eyes open this morning. I feel like I am starting to lose a bit of my drive and motivation. Does anyone want to meet me at the pool during the week at 5am? Ha! I will keep plugging away. I have way too much on the line to quit now.

I did another 5 x 200. My zoomers should be delivered tomorrow, so I am hoping that will help some. I dread is having to do kick without them. It takes a century to get from one end to the other. I will definitely travel faster wearing zoomers, but I will also be working harder. More resistance.

A few members of the swim team were swimming today. It brought back floods of memories. I really enjoyed the couple of years I was on the team and really wish I had stuck with it. Why didn't I? That's another story for another day. Let me just say this... Don't change your life for a man unless God throws a brick at your head. Period.

Week 2, Day 8

Well, I'm 8 days in on the journey I should have started long ago. No sense in beating myself up about it now though. It's in the past and now I have a future of health to look forward to. I have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it, but that's part of it. It's so easy to want to give-up and go back to the comforts of food and laziness. Exercise and healthy choices are the new me and that's the way it's going to stay. Please, if you're reading this, slap me if I don't keep this up. I am desperate for this change. Not only for me, but my entire family. The road I was on was a path of destruction. Too many years of burying my hurts, frustrations, and sadness into the food on my plate. You don't have me anymore, spirit of defeat! I own this!

Back in the water today after a day off. I'm so glad I let my muscles rest yesterday. I felt like I could have bumped up my distance this morning, but I think I will wait until next week, or at least until I get my zoomers. My left tricep and forearm extencor muscles were really hurting today. I'm probably not stretching as much as I should be. Also, my right shoulder feels like it is grinding. Not to the point of pain yet, but I am going to have to be cautious of that becoming a problem.

Time for tea with the hubby. I sure enjoy these mornings with him alone while the kids are still asleep :)

Week 1, Day 7

Last night, I set my alarm for this morning because I felt the urgency to go swim. This morning, when my alarm went off, I turned it off and made the decision to let my muscles rest. My concern that I will not go back after a break has gone away and tomorrow morning can't come fast enough! I am so anxious to get back in the water. Come Wednesday, I'll have something to give me a little bit of help in the kicking department. I had some of these when I swam with my team, but they ripped.

These are called, "zoomers". They really do help strengthen your legs while giving you some extra speed. This will help me a ton since I am primarily upper body strength. My old ones were blue. I much prefer blue over the yellow. Can you say, "quack, quack!" Yes, I do believe I will look like a duck in these. Thankfully, you only wear them in the water :)

During my day off today, I decided to go ahead and drink a protein smoothie. I wasn't sure whether to drink one on work-out days or not, but I think I can plan to use this as a meal replacement. When I previously figured calorie content for my smoothie, I had forgotten to include the calorie count for the banana. With the banana, my smoothies are about 300 calories. Previously, I calculated that my smoothies were only 172 calories and was concerned that wouldn't be enough for a meal replacement. Not so worried now :) And honestly, I'm not quite sure how to figure how many calories I should have per day in order to lose weight. It would be nice to meet with a nutritionist or at least talk to someone who knows.

So, the above are my smoothie ingredients and here is my recipe:
8oz almond milk
1 scoop of protein powder (contains 18g of protein...not a lot, but it will do)
1 tbsp of powdered peanut butter
1 banana
1 cup of ice

I need to find other smoothie recipes. I do have a couple of other flavors of protein powders (vanilla and strawberry) and some frozen fruit I could add. Truly, I need a better blender eventually. Not sure the one I have will survive daily use; it's already sounding a little rough.

My jeans fit a bit better today. Pretty excited about that! Small victories. They would have fit better if I had made better food choices this week, but next week is when I integrate the better food choices. Baby steps.

Time to finish packing my bag for tomorrow morning, get the kids in bed, and crash.

Week 1, Day 6

Today, I probably should have stayed in bed and rested, but I am glad I went ahead and pushed myself because my muscles are in sheer agony! Yes, I like to feel my muscles aching, but only if it's due to a good work-out. I barely managed my swim, however. I'm sure the lifeguard probably thought they were going to have to jump in at some point and rescue me! Still, I completed 5 sets of 200 yds.

Tomorrow, I definitely plan to stay away from the gym. Hopefully, it will be nice enough to go for a walk with the family. My reasoning behind going to the gym this morning was fear that if I took a break, I might not go back. Well, I think I'm hooked now, so I don't anticipate that being a problem. As of right now, I'm anxious to get back into the pool and I'm hoping that after tomorrow, I will be even more anxious.

I realize not many (if anyone) reads these posts, but I'm hoping it will be a good journal of sorts to come back to when I've reached my goals. If anyone does read them, I hope it will encourage you to not give-up and to start TODAY on the future and better you. If you're afraid of the scale, like me, don't step on it. Just focus on the changes your body makes rather than obsessing over a number...that's all it is...a number! Looking and feeling better does not need to be tied to a number.

Have a great Saturday!

Week 1, Day 5

I woke-up at 3:30am, initially, but forced myself back to sleep and woke again at 4:15am (15 minutes before my alarm). Pretty proud of myself. I pushed myself to do 5 x 200. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. By the last 25 of each set, my arms felt like they weighed as much as an elephant.

I was asked yesterday when I am going to start weighing myself. I hate the scale, so I think I will wait to weigh until I start noticing a difference in my appearance.

Debating on going to swim tomorrow morning. Worried I'll lose momentum if I give myself a break, but I don't want to burn-out either.

Time for coffee with my honey. Good day, everyone.

Joshua's Appointment Yesterday

After dropping off the girls with my parents yesterday, we headed to Joshua's appointment in a rather sketchy part of town. We checked in and made our way to the "Behavioral Health" department. Behavioral Health... Those words are now part of our family vocabulary and it's a little difficult to swallow. Quite honestly, I always thought behavioral health was regarding people who are mentally insane. Yes, I know I am uneducated about some things (aren't we all), but my understanding of behavioral health is changing very quickly.

The first part of the appointment was meeting with Joshua's Autism Care Coordinator, Leah. She's super sweet; very encouraging and reassuring. She set-up referrals for Occupational Therapy and Social Skills Therapy. Unfortunately, she also explained that CHP+ only pays for up to 20 visit a year for each therapy. She has encouraged us to look into the exchanges once those come available so that Joshua can qualify for MUCH more autism benefits (in addition to the two therapies he will be receiving). Apparently, the new autism benefits (Health Insurance Mandated Autism Treatments, or HIMAT) that are federally regulated did not get extended to CHP+ or Medicaid...? Make sense to anyone else? Good grief. This link is what we need to get informed on. I can see why switching to one of the exchanges would be good for Joshua, but we also have to consider Jenna's needs and whether or not they would be good for her, or do we/can we switch one and not the other? It's all so overwhelming and confusing. Plus, the exchanges come at a cost and we are already stretched thin. Praying we find a good group of people to help us wade thru this mess of information. My circuits are fried and we aren't even in the thick of it yet.

Joshua's appointment lasted approximately 2 hours. The majority of the appointment was spent sitting with the specialist and discussing Joshua's milestones and family medical history. This was followed by a brief exam (which she observed that Joshua's head is in the 98th percentile...lots of brain in that noggin) and then lab draws. Lab draws. Some might wonder why in the world you would need to draw blood for autism. Well, apparently, sometimes (not all of the time and not very often) autism can be a result of an underlying illness or disorder. They felt that with Jenna's medical issues that it was a very good idea to check things out, so they are running for basic things like organ function, iron levels, etc. to a panel of genetic tests. Poor Joshua has never had blood drawn before and it was quite traumatizing for him. I am so thankful Nick was there to help. I stayed in the lab waiting area while Nick went in with him. You could Joshua hollering and crying. He was so scared to go in that his little body stiffened and tensed up.

We should have some results in a few days, but the genetic results will take several weeks. We're use to waiting for genetic lab results and half way anticipating what they will say, but not with our healthy baby. We're hoping nothing shows-up. Autism? Fine. Genetic disorder? Please no. Either way, we know that God will guide, uplift, encourage and provide. He already has and does in so many ways. I'm so thankful for the prayer support our family receives. PLEASE DON'T STOP anytime soon.

Week 1, Day 4

Today, my body woke itself up before the alarm again, but this time it was 4:00am instead of 3:00am. One hour can make a HUGE difference, but this morning, I did not want to get up. Yesterday was draining. I'll explain why in another post. I managed to do 6 sets of 150 and a 100 cool down again, but it was much harder today than in days past. Still, I pushed myself more in some of the sets than in others. It felt good to push myself and it also felt good to be the best swimmer in the pool. I won't lie... It felt awesome to zoom past the guys in the lanes on either side of me. Both of them thinking they're hot shots and then the fat girl in the middle (me) smoked 'em! Okay... Time to lay the ego aside. The other day, there was a girl much better than me, but I was 2nd. Okay... Stop it! I get a little too competitive at times. Time to chill.

Week 1, Day 3

3:00am. That's a normal time to be up, right? I didn't do this on purpose. My alarm was set for 5:00am. I tried my best to roll over and go back asleep, but my body wasn't going to have any part in that. So what to do? Hop on Facebook and find some of your girlfriends also awake to chat with and then just go ahead and get up. I was at the rec center before opening (5:00am) and in the pool at 5:05am. Honestly, it felt great. My body is having some major adrenaline and my stamina was once again on the rise. I managed to do 6 set of 150 and a 100 cool down (as opposed to 10 sets of 100, previously). Still keeping the yardage at 1,000 yards for now, but I plan on possibly upping that next week. I don't want to throw my body into shock. I want to keep it fun while also getting the exercise I need. When it's no longer fun, I throw in the towel. MUST. KEEP. IT. FUN.

So, I am just really appreciating the staff at the rec center. The lifeguards are so engaging, kind, and encouraging. So impressed! I have not felt this comfortable in a bathing suit since I was 12% body fat (yes, that was me at one time). But seriously, fat girls do not like being in bathing suits in public. Maybe I am just speaking for myself. If you're fat like me and you don't have this problem, I envy you!

I contemplated making a separate blog for my weight loss endeavors, but I am part of my family, so I decided to keep it here. If you'd rather read past these posts, I will make it easy for you... The title post will always be where I am at in terms of the length/date/etc.

P.S. Big day for Joshua today. Prayers appreciated!

Can I Cry?

I just got off the phone with Jenna's pediatric chronic care coordinator. You need one of those when you have a chronic kiddo. It's the one and only thing I love about Kaiser. So, Mary Kay (she's super cute and from the North, so super thick accent) is getting Jenna hooked-up again with specialists we have had on the back burner due to various things like...having another baby. You know, little things like that.

So, specialists Jenna will be seeing in the next couple of months:

• Orthopedist (for her poor little caving ankles)
• Cleft Team (includes dental, oral surgery, etc.)
• Opthalmology
• Speech
• Endocrinology
• GI
• Neurology (her seizures aren't flaring, but her floppiness on her left side is a concern)

We will be adding therapy for Joshua as well...occupational and social.

I'm weary, tired, worn, and ragged. I know the Lord is protecting and providing; we have much to be thankful for. I wish I could get away for a break before this all starts up. I'm blessed by the life God has given me, truly blessed. But, even Jesus escaped to the garden to pray.

And I can't get Mary Kay's voice out of my head. I typed this whole post with her voice in my head. Haha! She's adorable and I am so thankful for her.

Joshua's Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow, Joshua meets with a pediatrician who specializes in Autism. I thought this was a silly appointment until it was explained to me that sometimes ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) can be a result of an underlying illness. I am really nervous at this possibility and praying that it is just ASD or if there is an underlying illness that it would be a simple fix. The appointment is suppose to last an hour and there is the possibility of a lab draw to check for possible genetic abnormalities. I sincerely hope the doctor will decide the lab draw is unnecessary. In times past, Joshua has not done well at all with needles. The last time Joshua was around needles, Jenna was having an adrenal crisis at the doctor's office and she was getting an IV. Poor Joshua has never witnessed Jenna in an emergency situation and it really threw him. He vomited several times out of sheer panic and concern for his sister. That boy loves his sister so deeply. This was the first emergency situation where it has just been me and with the kids; all other emergency situations, either Nick or another adult has been able to whisk Joshua away to another room. All that being said, I am thankful Nick will be going with us so he can be a support to Joshua and me!

We will receive recommendations and suggestions of all sorts to help Joshua function in the best possible way as he grows into a young man. I want to follow the absolute best path for him. The panel of doctors who performed the evaluation and gave the ASD diagnosis have strongly urged public education. Nick and I have considered it, but the cons outweigh the pros in our opinion. Bullying is a big issue for kids in general, but from what I have read, even more so for kids with ASD. I couldn't handle that and Joshua has been bullied in the past without a clue! Another issue with sending Joshua to a public school is the germs he could/would bring back to Jenna. I realize germs can be picked-up at any of the places we go (church, restaurants, friend's houses, etc.), but germs at school are much more prevalent from what I have been told, have read and understand. Jenna has been doing very well and we have been encouraged to expose her to more (and we have), but there is a difference between exposure and forced exposure. We cannot let our guard down and should still be somewhat cautious.

I'm so proud of Joshua. He is so engaging, smart and charismatic. He loves to read and uses his imagination. Some days are extremely tough on me and I am trying to figure out ways to help cope with the stress of having two special needs kids, but I can't imagine my life any different. Joshua is uniquely Joshua and I am proud to be his momma.

Week 1, Day 2

Up at 5:00am again this morning to go swimming. Not sure how I managed to since I woke-up FIVE times during the night. I really fought the urge to hit the snooze button! I could wake-up an hour later and go swim, but the pool starts to fill-up with swimmers at 6:30 and I don't like sharing my lane unless I have to. In times past, sharing a lane has meant the other swimmer forgetting we weren't circle swimming and me getting plowed into. No thanks! I'll continue to get up early.

I swam another 1,000yds. It was a bit easier than yesterday. My stamina was much improved and I didn't need as many breaks. I hope this keeps up. My muscles are so fatigued right now that I am not sure when I will be able to make it up the stairs to the second floor in our house. That's a good thing though. I'm burning fat and building lean muscle. 

Setting my alarm now to be up again tomorrow. I was going to start of with doing just a few days a week, but when it comes to working-out, I am all or nothing. If I skip a day, I might not go back! Gotta keep my eyes on the prize.

Funny story... As I was leaving, I noticed the female lifeguard rearranging the kickboards so they lined-up perfectly. It made me giggle to see a fellow "type a" at work. I complimented her on her skill and explained I would have done the exact same thing. We shared a good laugh together.

Week 1, Day 1

So, I did it.  I woke-up this morning at 5:00am, hopped in the suburban (thank you, Jesus, for 4-wheel drive), drove to the rec center and hopped in the pool!  I swam 10 sets of 100 yards.  I was shocked I could swim more than 50 yards at a time!  Woot!  Not regretting it a bit.  I have muscled fatigue and burning that hurts so good!  I may have not worked so hard if it weren't for the awesome receptionist who remembered my name before I even checked-in.  I need to sit down and write a letter to the director of the rec center.  Seriously, Nancy's like the best cheerleader ever!  She was clapping and cheering for me as I made my way to the pool.  Also, the computer applauded for me as I checked-in.  Hello?  Awesome!  It's the little things, people :)  I'm going to do it all again tomorrow!  Yeah, buddy!  I'm praying this motivation lasts.  I tend to burn-out and give-up after a while.  Why do I do that when the reward is so worth it?  Because food tastes awesome...that's why.

So, my goal.  I'll just keep losing until my body looks healthy.  My sister has a tentative wedding date of 10/17/15.  I'm going to be her only attendant.  She's going to look stunning and I don't want to look like a hippo standing next to her!!  Looking at that date, it makes me feel like I have plenty of time to get down to where I want to be, but not exactly!  My sister has a goal to lose 35 pounds.  Ha!  Hahahahahahaha!!!  I laugh at that because I have about 100 more pounds than that to lose.  I'm thinking I really only have a year to get down to a reasonable weight because we will be doing dress fittings months ahead of time.  MONTHS!!!  Okay, I might be freaking-out just a bit.  I think I could manage to lose 100 pounds by the time dresses come along.  I hope.  Something else I had hoped I would have time to do is skin removal surgery, but I'm not thinking I will get down enough to make that a possibility.  Maybe I will?  Ewwww!!  Grossing myself out.

Back to school with the kiddos.  Who knew they couldn't teach themselves ;)  Speaking of school... It's going well, but I anticipate we will be doing school through the summer this year.  No big deal, just... ***yawn***  Yeah, that.

Happy Monday!!

The mom I want to be

I want to be the mom who has it all together.  You know her.  I'm not her.  I know that no mom has it completely together.  Nothing always goes as planned.  But, I feel like I will never come close to being the mom I want to be!  It would just be nice to not leave the house looking like and feeling like a train wreck!  How do you other moms do it?  I see other moms looking cute in their boots and sweaters in the midst of winter... I throw on my yoga pants and flip flops and feel pretty good that I even made it out of my pajamas.  Or are those pajamas?  Am I jealous I don't have more time for myself?  Maybe a little.  Okay, a lot.

I laugh to myself as I type this because honestly, I think I use to juggle mommyhood pretty well.  I thought I would only get better and better at it, but it is seemingly the opposite!  Perhaps it's the lack of time for myself?  Who has time to put on make-up when you have a baby tugging at your pants?  Who has time to curl their hair when your two older kiddos are yelling, "Mom!!! I'm hungry!!!"  Seriously, people.

I'm sure part of it is just the season in my life and age of my children.  You know who makes me want to scream?  Michelle Duggar!  That lady is wonder woman with 19 kids and I can barely manage our 3.  Someday, every room in our house will be clean at the same time.  I have to reprogram my mind to realize THAT DOESN'T MATTER right now.  I'm a mom with young kids and there is no way to have the perfectly cleaned home.  Get. Over. It.  Phew!  That is a hard pill for this neat freak to swallow.  Especially as I am sitting here with clothing donations all over the table and a living room floor covered with toys.  I know this scene warms some hearts, but it sends me into a panic attack.  I spend way too much time fussing over cleaning when I should be fussing over my kids and soaking up these young, impressionable years.  I don't want them to model my behavior.  What a horrible observation of my own character.  HELP!!

"Breathe.  Enjoy your children."  This is my mantra for the this year.  If I can just be still and enjoy my kids, everything else will get taken care of in time and I will slowly become the mom I want to be.  Not the mom who seemingly has it all together, but the mom who loves and lives.  The mom who builds tent forts with her kids and gets wrapped-up in a game of hide and seek.  It's the seemingly little things that are really the big, important things.  The word "seemingly" is key.  Those things that are "seemingly" insignificant?  They're significant.

Those are my thoughts this morning as I guzzle my chai tea and prepare for my crew to wake-up.  It's going to be a beautiful day today, so we are going to the park and leaving this messy house behind... *whine*  The kids will love it and their happiness is my reward.  The mess will still be here when we  get back and we aren't expecting company, so who cares?