The mom I want to be

I want to be the mom who has it all together.  You know her.  I'm not her.  I know that no mom has it completely together.  Nothing always goes as planned.  But, I feel like I will never come close to being the mom I want to be!  It would just be nice to not leave the house looking like and feeling like a train wreck!  How do you other moms do it?  I see other moms looking cute in their boots and sweaters in the midst of winter... I throw on my yoga pants and flip flops and feel pretty good that I even made it out of my pajamas.  Or are those pajamas?  Am I jealous I don't have more time for myself?  Maybe a little.  Okay, a lot.

I laugh to myself as I type this because honestly, I think I use to juggle mommyhood pretty well.  I thought I would only get better and better at it, but it is seemingly the opposite!  Perhaps it's the lack of time for myself?  Who has time to put on make-up when you have a baby tugging at your pants?  Who has time to curl their hair when your two older kiddos are yelling, "Mom!!! I'm hungry!!!"  Seriously, people.

I'm sure part of it is just the season in my life and age of my children.  You know who makes me want to scream?  Michelle Duggar!  That lady is wonder woman with 19 kids and I can barely manage our 3.  Someday, every room in our house will be clean at the same time.  I have to reprogram my mind to realize THAT DOESN'T MATTER right now.  I'm a mom with young kids and there is no way to have the perfectly cleaned home.  Get. Over. It.  Phew!  That is a hard pill for this neat freak to swallow.  Especially as I am sitting here with clothing donations all over the table and a living room floor covered with toys.  I know this scene warms some hearts, but it sends me into a panic attack.  I spend way too much time fussing over cleaning when I should be fussing over my kids and soaking up these young, impressionable years.  I don't want them to model my behavior.  What a horrible observation of my own character.  HELP!!

"Breathe.  Enjoy your children."  This is my mantra for the this year.  If I can just be still and enjoy my kids, everything else will get taken care of in time and I will slowly become the mom I want to be.  Not the mom who seemingly has it all together, but the mom who loves and lives.  The mom who builds tent forts with her kids and gets wrapped-up in a game of hide and seek.  It's the seemingly little things that are really the big, important things.  The word "seemingly" is key.  Those things that are "seemingly" insignificant?  They're significant.

Those are my thoughts this morning as I guzzle my chai tea and prepare for my crew to wake-up.  It's going to be a beautiful day today, so we are going to the park and leaving this messy house behind... *whine*  The kids will love it and their happiness is my reward.  The mess will still be here when we  get back and we aren't expecting company, so who cares?